Search This Blog

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Apples and Oranges, Oil and Water, Matches and Gasoline - Somethings just don't mix well....

My wifes son is a music minister in his church.  He is a young man, a young married man with a wonderful wife (this is how I see it) and as such is full of vigor in his church place.  He recently posted online a "half thought".  Only he knew what it fully meant but to a few I suspect even though we know him, it had a brackish taste to it and I made a comment to him that fully brought out what he was meaning to say....which was my intent all along but I had to help him see how it might sound to others.

He very eloquently filled in the details and all who cared to read his musings were enlightened.  Oh to have the vim and vigor of a "Man on Fire" such as he is return.  Is it only in youth that we have our most often misunderstood moments because we have not yet learned that communication in full is required to have our passions and thoughts understood?  No I think not.  It is something that plaques us all our lives and the older we get, the more set in our ways we are...for better or worse.

I for one know more of the worse than the better.  This is my choice.

A few days later, this same young man posted another thought for the day and was more complete in posting his thoughts.  As I read his posting and doing some online research on it one place led to another and I wound up reading a passage in the KJV, Matthew 7:3.  Now this really hit me pretty hard as it was so in tune with some recent events that had occurred with my wife, myself and her/our family.  My interpretation of that scripture was basically this, If you are going to stand in judgement (which GOD tells us is a NO-NO) of someone or take issue with them (what, who, how they are) one must first do a lot of self inspection and make sure your laundry is clean before you start telling others that their laundry is not.  Make sure your own self is up to scratch (not what you think it should be but what GOD truly wants it to be) before you take issue with how someone else is or even more importantly, what you perceive them to be before you've even taken the real time to get to know someone.

I'm going to chase a rabbit here for a moment.  I don't "preach" so I don't really have to practice anything.  I just take things at face value for the most part and either I like it or I don't.  This produces the outcome of either I will take every good opportunity to engage and further a relationship or I will just let it be enough to be polite but remain aloof and/or indifferent.  I am more of a "how do you treat me" type of person.  I, and like everyone else have (whether they admit it or not, and most of the time don't even know it) a sign on their chest that only others can see that says "make me feel important and valued".  I know I have one even though I pretend it's not there and yet I do expect it, as does everyone else.  If you are one of the many that says "I do not, I don't need anyone's approval" then you not only don't have a clue, you don't even suspect!  Do I judge?  Of course I do but only to the extent of did this or that person treat me like I would like.  If my needs are not met then I just move on down the line with no ill will, I just don't waste my time and energy on that individual.

To coin a phrase from Forrest Gump, I may not be a smart man but I do know enough to be a productive part of conversations and interactions with others from just about any walk of life.  I truly don't care WHAT YOU DO, WHERE YOU ARE FROM, WHO YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU HAVE.  What I do care about is HOW DO YOU TREAT ME.  End of story.  Meet this requirement and all is well.  You see I'm already trying to do this with you because I know it's what you need.  Am I 100% good at doing this...NO, however I hit the 90's mark more than I miss it.

Ok done chasing rabbits.

There is a group of folks that I have tried to "get to know" but I have been held a bay because I am....well I truly don't know and after my most frequent attempts that were once again shunned don't feel the need to pursue it any longer.  They are who they are, I am who I am and maybe, just maybe these things just won't mix.  This is the only option of thought I have.  I am not mad (frustrated yes), I am not hurt (to be hurt you have to have had an expectation of an outcome) however I am done with it.  Will I ever consider a re-encounter?  Possible but not probable.  It's not that I am unforgiving, just unwilling.  There is a difference and all to many morally righteous people don't understand the difference and they use this as a tool/weapon to elevate themselves and condemn others.  I call shenanigans!  If you don't understand this concept, crawl back in your cave and keep making the grunting, guttural sounds of a raw red meat'll never find fire.

My dearest friend, my wife, told me this past weekends events were an eyeopener for her and she conveyed how to me, and I understood.  What I also understood is that if her blood family treats her this way, I will never stand an ice cubes chance in hell.  I don't think she has gotten to the point where she can accept this yet as she is dealing with her own "demons".  It is what it is and although I'm not overly fond of this being the way it is, I can accept it, and have.

What really put me over the top was this simple.  My wifes youngest daughter, whom I think the world of and would do most anything for (why?  because of how she treats me, and has accepted me into her life not as a step-dad but as a friend and her mothers husband and all of the honors and privileges that go along with it) were discussing movies and I mentioned one I had in the car and she really expressed an interest in seeing.  I asked of HER were there any DVD players in the cabins and just as quick as a bolt of lightning was told by one of my wifes brothers "We don't watch TV when we are up here.  I was staying in the same cabin as he and I suspect he was enforcing a "his cabin" rule.  The other wifes brother would watch TV for sports scores in the other cabin and report back but that was Okay...and was fuel for sports conversation.  HOW freakin rude is that.  Not only was he not paying for the cabins, he wasn't even part of my conversation but decided on his own to intrude without being invited.  That's just rude.  There was a better way to do this I am sure.  Time passed and all adjourned in the cabin for the evening to play cards or whatever when one of HIS nephews turned on the TV to watch sports and not a DAMN word was said.  Is this not a bitch slap in the face or what?  I would have preferred just being told to my face that I don't count and have no voice or rights.  Hells Bells, even black folk and women are allowed vote now!  Are you starting to see a pattern here?

I said nothing.  I knew in doing so would only call attention to me as the outsider and label me a trouble maker.  Ok fine, I'm a trouble maker but isn't sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander?  Blood is thicker than water and this isn't the first time I have experienced it and the last time I did the outcome was less than desirable and it was from the same type of self-proclaimed morally righteous types.  Will this time be any different.  Possible but not probable.   I for one will not be waiting by the phone.  It is what it is.

I made up my mind right then, as an adult, that I have a choice to remain in this environment where I'm very uncomfortable and would have spoken out and this would have made a scene, or just leave and make that scene.  The latter being the better part of discretion even though I would be labeled/judged but at least I would be gone and not have to suffer the indignation.  I choose the latter.

My poor wife is so emotionally traumatized by all of these events, no not traumatized...devastated, trashed is more like it that I do not recognize her as the same women that went up there to the Labor Day weekend at Fontana Resort that her family has done for years.  This was my first Fontana event but I have been a presence around this family for neigh on two years so I am not a stranger by any means.  Oops...yes I am, my bad.  What the hell was I thinking when I typed that LOL.

I have since deleted all social network contacts of those family members on social networks and deleted the phone numbers of the relatives I have in my phone.  I never really hear from them anyway and their contact info was only as a courtesy ICE ya know.  I know they don't have my contact details stored because there was a family emergency a while back and I was never contacted, so that speaks to what I have already been talking about.  Well of course I told my wife I had deleted this stuff because she should hear it from me rather than a "why has your husband"........from someone else.  Now I am the bad guy again, making her feel like she has to choose.  Not my intent.  Only those that show no interest in me are affected, as they do not have my contact details either and never have so what's the harm (as her husband I should be afforded those honors and privileges).  None.  If  I am to be called out for deleting, they are to be called out for not having mine stored.  Sauce for the Goose!

Ok all my blathering just boils down to this...all men may have been created equal in Gods sight, however we as men have very poor eyesight!  Don't try to pull a splinter out of me when you have a lumber yard in you!

We as persons, have our foil-ables and just like oil and water some of us just don't mix.  That's ok and I can live with it...just be nice about it.